November, 2014. Part II

In about an hour I had read over 50 pages, but that paragraph just stuck with me. I began to question what were my options.
I was (and still am) a 23 year old young woman that had just finish a degree in English and North-American studies last June and that was currently taking on a masters degree on Strategical Communication, so what were my options? To be perfectly honest I could only think of one, one that I thought would be perfect for the time being.
I decided that be best way to get out of my comfort zone had to be trough travelling. I was eager to learn and grow, to open my mind to new perspectives and horizons. However I wasn't going to make my parents pay for it, they had already paid for my degree, and these are hard times. I couldn't be that selfish, nor did I want to.
So that was when the most logical solution arrived at my senses: I was going to become a flight attendant. I was going to build myself a new future, since the one I thought I was going to have, fell apart in front of my very eyes.

November, 2014

 There I was, drowning in complete sadness while watching everything that I had ever imagined and wished for my life falling apart right in front of my very own eyes.
 I was loosing interest in mostly everything: my masters degree, that had wished so hard to get in to... friendships, parties, men, even food wasn't making me happy anymore (I had lost the only person I used to cook to) there was no point on cooking good meals, I just wanted to survive the day, every day.
I started going to the gym, that helped, but I didn't expected a miracle. I needed something, I didn't knew what it was but I needed it desperately, madly...  and then one day, while taking the subway to yet another masters class that just couldn't seem to fulfill me, I decided to give a second chance to a book that I had purchased in July, and that I had saved aside after reading a few pages and never really understanding them.
That book was called "O Aleph", by Paulo Coelho, and it changed everything.

"(...)He paused, getting more and more irritated because I couldn't seem to understand what he was trying to explain to me.
-It doesn't matter if I stay here and use words that don't mean anything. Go and try it out. It's time for you to get out of here. Reconquer your kingdom, now corrupted by routine."


The minute I read it I knew I needed to do something about it. It was my wake up call, I needed to get out of here, I needed to get out of my comfort zone. And mostly, I needed to get out of the dark.

2014-2015

 Transitioning from 2014 to 2015 was something that I craved for months. I craved everything, mostly I craved change.

 2014 was the year when I lost everything: I had lost myself, and losing myself I lost my relationship, then I lost myself even more. It was a hard fall, still is. I lost a brother-in-law in a very quick divorce to my oldest sister, I had to deal with really ugly heavy stuff, I shouldn't have too. I lost a nephew before I could even start picking names for him, or her... I found ugly secrets about my family, I lost a job that I thought that I really wanted and that would really turn things around for me.  I found out that I have an esophageal disease and that there was I chance that I could have cancer (thankfully dodged that bullet), and finally almost lost my grandmother to a heart attack. That was the closest I ever was to seeing what death really looks like, and it changes you.

 Everything was dark, so dark that I couldn't see anything besides the darkness that had surrounded me for almost a whole year. Things went completely downhill from March until... right about now.